Toulouse is famous for its kebabs. These delicious, greasy sandwiches are a Middle Eastern specialty and can mostly be found in shops run by Algerian immigrants. Seeing as how everyone cooks in this country, it is quite possible that I might have starved by now if it were not for these little stands. However, the most interesting part about these shops is not the sandwiches, but the cultural exchange, particularly if you an American.
This evening I went to my favorite Kebab shop, favored due to convenience not flavor. Having planned to do a little reading, I never even opened the book. My Algerian friend, who works at this shop, asked me if I had seen the news about the American soldiers that were filmed beating the Iraqi prisoners in the Abu Ghrain jail in 2003. I, of course, had heard nothing, although I was not surprised. For the moment representing the US is not an easy task anywhere outside of the country. Then, perhaps as not to offend me, he proceeded to comment about France and how the ideals of fraternité, liberté and égalité were ultimately a farce. The example that he used to demonstrate this fact was himself. He was working in France to support his parents back home. However, no French man would do the same for his family. I listened, wondering if he had ever questioned why a country like France had a successful enough economy to support his family as opposed to a country like his own, founded upon the ideals of Islam. I said nothing.
His dialogue then continued, moving to the subject of women. He attested that in Algeria "a woman is a woman and a man is a man". (It was not until later that I would realize what he meant by that statement.) Here in France, he proclaimed, women go out whenever they went, partying like men. He assured me that when he was to marry, he would return home to find a virgin. I finally stopped him and opened my mouth to ask if he himself was a virgin, to which he, of course, responded "no". I then proceeded to inquire why he felt it was so important to marry a virgin if he himself was not a virgin. To this I was reminded that "a man is a man and a woman is a woman". "A woman's body is destroyed after having sex where a man's body remains undamaged", he said. After a brief description of the hymen, he told me that, "In Algeria women did not work but served their husbands and their families". Just to see where it would get me I suggested that, "If you, the man, are going to be the figure of authority in the household, that it would seem to me that the laws of your religion should be even more strict on you, the man, as you will be acting as an example for your wife and children." Before allowing him to respond I asked a follow up question. "Why is it okay that you are disobeying Allah by having sex with women in France, but a woman who has done the same would be unexcused." I even delicately couched the word "hypocrisy" somewhere in my argument. Seeing the confusion running across his face, I quickly backed up giving him a way out and suggested that as an outsider I was probably failing to understand. He replied that it was because of this lack of understanding that war persists in the Middle East. To that I had to agree.
I realized at that moment that even in pointing out the obvious holes in his beliefs, there was no way he was going to have an epiphany over kebabs. I then thought about my own beliefs and was grateful that the conversation had not been pointed in my direction.
Two thoughts
Primarily, true cultural exchange is nearly impossible, as it is very rare to find two individuals who are open to receiving new insight regarding their worldviews. In occidental culture it is currently "a la mode" to say that one is open-minded. However, we have all spent a lifetime developing concepts and ideas concerning our understanding of the world, some of them even contradictory and hypocritical if we are honest. The acceptance that these ideas may be wrong or that they may not function outside of the culture in which we live strikes at our pride and renders us vulnerable.
Secondly, if you are going to be born a woman, don't do it outside of an occidental country.
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